A Tearful Goodbye

It was Tuesday, August 5, 2008, and six weeks had flown by. I was dreading this day all summer long. However, I forced myself to compartmentalize the thought of her leaving me and wouldn’t let myself think about it too long while she was here. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute with her... after all, she gave me my dream of being a mama! I did do something I shouldn’t have though. You see, I want my baby girl from China so bad, that I took this opportunity to treat and love Madina as if she were my adopted daughter. I put all my emotions of becoming a mama into her presence. I knew it wasn’t true in my mind, but I couldn’t hold back my desperate heart. And oh, have I been paying for it ever since she left me. I have grieved like I never expected.

Well, the day we took her to the airport was a day I wasn’t prepared for. All 21 Afghani kids and 2 interpreters flew out of Charlotte around 1:00 pm. We met at the airport around 11:00 and it took a long time to get all the kids and luggage checked in. During this time, all us families and kids were hugging and crying and saying our goodbyes. There were so many people there! It was unbelievably hard to let them go back to that country in the middle of a war. I know we all felt helpless; it even made me angry inside. It was unfair, but it was life. There were lots of tears from both the children and host families. It was surprising to see such emotion coming from these kids; some had to be pulled through security. They clearly did not want to go back. They sobbed so hard and when the girls hugged me, it was so tight that they wouldn’t let go. It was painful. I couldn’t stop crying either and by the time we left, I was completely emotionally drained. It would take me a week just to start feeling myself again.

I think what made this so hard was the fact that Madina was excited and happy to go home. She was looking forward to seeing her brother, sister and parents, who work in the Kabul Orphanage. She was missing them and that’s understandable. She’s in a different situation than many of the other girls who were orphans or didn’t have loving families to take care of them. She was the only girl there that did not cry. At the airport, she hung around her friends and really didn’t want much to do with Joe and I. She wouldn’t really look at me. I wasn’t expecting this because all the other girls whom I got to know and love, let me know how they felt about me. Madina did a brief, unemotional, hug and pat... “goodbye mommy, I love you” and walked away. We watched her every second through the security line and until she disappeared on the other side. That was it. As quickly as she popped into my life, she was gone again.